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Thursday, 11 June 2009

  • the no title entry.

    band final was today. 
    soooo dumb.
    survey questions were reflections.

    i am full of regrets.

    jimmy is probably the only reason why it is definite that i'll be in jersey for the summer.
    my parent's aren't happy with the idea of me staying in their apartment all summer, but if i stand my ground they'd let me.
    i think i'm going to try and presuade jimmy into letting me stay for a little more than two weeks.
    july 6th? somewhere around there.
    i've been thinking about it and i get no hours at regal. 
    i need to start saving for books. 50 dollars a week won't cut it.
    there was a regal meeting today that i had no clue about.
    once i found out there was one, i realized how much i don't enjoy it all that much.
    i mean it's fun sometimes and i don't mind it. but the money isn't worth staying the summer.
    yes, i'd be guarenteed a job at rowan. but 50 dollars at rowan won't change much.
    i need an actual job. harris teeter, the grocery store by my dad's apartment, is looking for people.
    my dad asked that i apply there. that was when he thought i was still going to crack and spend my summer in maryland.
    alsk;jjl;agdsljk;asg. i dunno what i'm saying...

Tuesday, 12 May 2009

  • the reminiscent entry.

    65 days since that day with really nice weather.
    i remember trying to look on the bright side of that day.
    denial? definitely.
    it was all too much for me to handle.
    so i pushed it aside and focus on the good things.
    because it was my last peaceful day before the war began.

    we put cookie down on the 16th of march.
    the day before i took her for our last walk to our park.
    my sister, my dad, and i were all present at the vet's.
    i dunno if i regret that or not.
    it was the hardest thing i ever had to witness.
    i cried the entire day. before, during, after.
    i still have nightmare of that day.
    they put her paw in clay because we didn't want any kind of burial.
    i get chills every time i look at it.
    tears always fill my eyes when i think about her.
    falling now...

    the house is almost sold.
    they want us to move out by the 25th of may.
    if no one makes a better offer by friday, we're taking the deal.
    if we take it, i'll be spending the next month in a hotel.
    i'm not sure how i feel about it.
    i know this probably means i'll be spending most of the summer in maryland.

    john doesn't even look at me in the hallways anymore.
    no more trio. no more hooper ave.
    i guess he got the hint. oh well.
    guess that's what you get when you pretend you like me and are extremely clingy but then a jerk in person?

    band is almost overrrrrrr!
    what a relief.
    so many lasts though.
    gets me thinking.
    but that's for a later update.

    i got my license.
    the freedom feels nice.

    i got a job.
    regal theaters.
    i have training days on tuesday and wednesday of next week.
    i'm nervous.

    prom was a lot of fun.
    it would have been not as fun without chris.
    he's officially the one that got away.
    he makes me think what if.
    i don't like that.
    i like being confident in my experience/choices.

    i'll be attending rowan in the fall.
    this means graduation is right about the corner.
    i'm excited.
    ROWANNNNNNNN '13!
    but i've been slacking like crazy.
    even if i fail all these crap classes now,
    i'll still pass and be able to graduate on june 18th.
    that right there is the reason i slack.
    but my only actual class is english and i actually like that class.
    she does gives a lot of work though, ha.

Sunday, 08 March 2009

  • the nice weather entry.

    There was really nice weather today.
    Carissa, Leah, and I went to the Hamilton Park.
    We all wore shorts. And Carissa's dad let her borrow the 'stang.
    Top down drives are disastrous for my hair.
    But whatever, it was nice.

    I called my parents when we were there to tell them where I was.
    They just got home from taking Cookie to the vet.
    Apparently, all her levels are very high.
    The vet asked if we wanted to put her down today.
    My mom started crying. My dad started babbling on and on (which is what he does when he's nervous).
    Thankfully, they decided not to.
    The vet gave them more IV bags (she needs TWO full bags a day) and pills and she gave her some shots that are supposed to help with her stomach and whatnot.
    My parents did decide that if Cookie doesn't get better by Thursday or Friday that they'll put her down.
    Mom told me that on the phone while I was sitting in the park. She sounded like it was almost definite.
    I told her I wanted to be there. She said she couldn't be there.

    There are so many boxes around my house.
    There is crap everywhere too. My mom has been going through everything.
    She says it'll help sell the house and it'll be easier to move.
    That's her motivation.
    My parents want me to go through the storage closet of the basement.
    I suck at throwing things away.
    There's a dump truck in our driveway.
    It's official. We're moving.
    The house goes up for sale at the end of the month.
    My dad told me we'll be staying until August.
    But my mom said that whenever the house sells, we're going.


    Ya know, besides all that depressing things...
    I had a good day. (WARM+FUN=GOOD)

Saturday, 28 February 2009

  • "Thousands of candles can be lit from a single candle, and the life of the candle will not be shortened. Happiness never decreases by being shared." - Buddha
    "When they telL you there's no such thing, let them knOw, you don't haVe to hold it to know it's rEal." - Stephan K.
    "An insincere and evil friend is more to be feared than a wild beast; a wild beast may wound your body, but an evil friend will wound your mind." - Buddha

  • the update entry.

    I realized I haven't actually updated since January.
    January was a pretty bad month.
    That feeling leaked into early February.

    Basically, break-ups suck.
    We haven't really talked much since.
    It's still a little hard to see him in the hallways.
    "It's really over" usually pops into my head.
    The whole giving the fleece back fiasco was interesting.
    I still have W.B. on my piano chair.
    "It's just a teddy bear. Plus, it's so cute."
    That's my reasoning for not putting him in the closet.
    I've made my peace with it all, though.
    I think that's because of the closure talk.

    Some days I don't see a point in getting into another relationship.
    But there are many days were I get lonely.
    I have no boy in mine, at the moment.
    Well, there is this one.
    But it's only a minor crush.
    I sure it will go away soon.

    Last week I talked to Wyatt.
    I don't really remember how, but we got into talking about Marching Band.
    Drum Major issues, my self-esteem toward my music talent.
    I'm honestly glad that happened.
    I cried quite a bit. Felt like a hugeee baby.
    But I think I can finally let those scabs heal.
    I wish I had the same passion and attitude towards band as I did last years.
    I'm in band everyday and I'm always so bitter.
    I make myself sick sometimes.
    I wanna be able to blame Mastin or someone else.
    I can't, though. It's all my fault and I know it.

    On some brighter news, I got accepted into West Chester University and Rowan University.
    West Chester was really quick with their reply. It only took about two weeks.
    Jess S. waited for about a month and a half before she got her acceptance.
    I feel pretty bad because of that. Especially since WCU is her top choice. It isn't mine.
    My sister really wants me to go there. We'd only be like 30 minutes from each other.
    I think I'd rather go to Rowan, though.
    I'm not gonna make any decisions until I hear from UMaryland and Temple.
    Speaking for which, I have to finish my FAFSA this weekend.
    I should get on that today. I have nothing else to do anyways.

    I've been hanging out with Brian and John a lot, lately.
    We went for a long trip to the Ocean County Mall.
    Got lost looking for Hooper Ave and by the time we got there, the mall was closed.
    Then we went again to go shopping.
    We only stay local anymore, but it's still a lot of fun.
    I seem to always be laughing when I'm around them.
    We play Rock Band a lot too.
    Our band is called Hooper Ave Trio or HAT.
    We rock, haha.

    My mom keeps talking about moving.
    It doesn't seem to bother me that much.
    Only today did I get a little frustrated.
    She was cleaning the living room.
    By cleaning, I mean taking everything we own down.
    "Everything has to go."
    That's when I realized how crappy my home life will be until we move.
    Nothing on the walls. Cleaning everyday.
    Random strangers coming into our house.
    Looking at my room. Touching my things.
    I won't even be allowed to be home.
    I'll be forced to take the dogs somewhere because they bark too much.
    Oh, the joy of moving. How I missed it...